I have always considered myself to be a fairly upfront and truthful person. Oh, alright then, too truthful at times, if I'm being honest. And I must admit, I do feel a little concerned occasionally when asked for my opinion on something, on the basis of my 'refreshing' honesty :)
The same goes for my posts here. Naturally, I prefer to focus on the bright and positive side of things - there is enough misery in the world to read about without me adding any more to it. I do have the not-so-positive going on behind the scenes from time to time, although not much more than anyone else has to deal with, thankfully.
I like to think my posts are light hearted, some nice images and a few snippets of what I've been up to. Many of you have an idea what I do for a living, which is absolutely fine, but I don't talk about it at all on here due to the confidential nature of my job, which I am sure I may have mentioned before. And there will always be those who make assumptions about my life from what I choose to share on here, which I completely understand, and that can't be helped. I'm guilty of it myself ;)
I always consider myself incredibly fortunate in that I am part of this wonderful blog community on here and I really appreciate and cherish the interactions I enjoy with so many of you, both here and on my visits to your own blogs. Ever since I began writing here, I have even been lucky enough to have mostly avoided trolls and unnecessary comments, aside from the computer generated ones, and even they have all but stopped lately - Perhaps I shouldn't have put that out there!
So you can imagine how disappointed I felt to have received a comment asking as to whether or not Lily was with me 'all the time', as it would appear that I hadn't mentioned her in my previous post.
Perhaps I am over-thinking this, but I have always thought that whenever I have mentioned Lily in my posts, it has always been done with careful consideration and respect for her privacy. I have specifically chosen never to disclose too much information regarding my family or any of my friends for this same reason. And why the answer to this question would be of any concern to 'Anonymous' I am really not sure. Genuine curiosity? Perhaps. But the insensitive way in which the question was directed leads me to think otherwise.
I would really appreciate your thoughts on this. I'm curious. In this age of sharing so much of our lives online have I perhaps shared too much previously that it was thought acceptable to ask such a forward question, or am I perhaps being over sensitive? How do you exercise caution with the information you choose to share on your posts?
I think you've got it right in your delightful blog but being challenged by someone you don't know feels scary I think, somehow we feel over scrutinised. I also think we all realise that all blogs are snapshots and views on the blogger's world, not the whole story. I do hope you don' t take what has happened too much to heart. Thank you for your beautifully illustrated blog. Very best wishes, JillReplyDelete
Thank you, Jill. It would seem there was nothing untoward regarding the comment itself, I just thought it a little insensitive. XDelete
This could be viewed as someone who enjoyed your blog posts (as I do enormously) and unthinkingly wanted to know more about your family, although the fact that it is an anonymous is not great. However, the other side is that what you post on a blog is what you want to share with us and we should all respect that. The glimpses we give people of our lives is what we feel comfortable with sharing.For me as a grandmother, I do not post anything about my grandchildren in terms of photos anything that could identify them for example. I do this because I align myself with what their parents do and also to protect their privacy. Jean in Winnipeg.ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing your views, Jean. I am very cautious about what I post, so you can see why I found this particular question to be quite unnecessary and a little thoughtless. XDelete
I decided right at the start of my blog, nine years ago, to use a pseudonym and to change names and locations. I feel more free to write about things I would otherwise avoid.ReplyDelete
I can understand why you would do that. You never know who could be reading. XxDelete
There are more good people than nasty ones who comment on blogs, try not to let it get you down. Anonymous didn't have the guts to put their name to their comment. I've made my blog private after being stalked. Take care xxReplyDelete
Thank you, Eileen. I don't feel as though it was nasty in any way, perhaps thoughtless. XDelete
The problem I encountered was that some people seemed to think that they really 'knew' me, rather than me being someone who wrote about mere snippets of my life. That emboldened them to say things, and do things, and question me about things in a way that I found intolerable. I wouldn't allow it in my real life, so definitely didn't take it from people online, particularly when they didn't put their name to it. Now, I just blog about things I've made, or decorating I've done and don't allow comments.ReplyDelete
You've probably hit the nail on the head there, Scarlet. Although I am guilty of it myself, it never hurts to be reminded how we should never make assumptions. XDelete
What you say on your blog is purely personal to you, and as much or as little as you would like to share. I too only share the lighter side of life - occasionally the sad but on the whole, not everything. No, you are not being over sensitive - you are being protective. Which in my eyes is is correct - sending hugs.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Kate. Wise words, as always. XDelete
I think that anonymous should mind their own business, and if they can't say anything nice not say anything at all. xxReplyDelete
A kindred spirit in the refreshingly honest category :) Thank you, Jackie. XDelete
That was me. I am so sorry. I am new to your blog and didnt realise you were keeping your family situation private. Please accept my apology. I only post as anon as I don't know how to put my name!ReplyDelete
I appreciate you saying this. And thank you. I guess I'm just not used to someone asking such a direct question, for which the answer is really of no consequence.Delete
You can see from the other comments that it is not only myself who feels this way. We are a very friendly bunch, I promise. Just very protective of our kind :)
Personally, I don't have an issue with Anonymous comments, and I truly hope you will continue to visit here, but perhaps consider how this question was received, for which I suspect the answer would be far less 'interesting' than you might expect :)
No, I don't think you have over shared and I don't think you are over sensitive. That's just one nosy person who needs to mind their own business!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Chris. I imagine they simply considered it as being curious. XDelete
Ugh. What a creepy comment. I would delete and block that person, immediately, if possible. Lily is gorgeous, and unfortunately, some people out there will notice. (Even though you are careful about how you photograph her.) I understand your concern, especially with all that's happening in the news. Love your blog and gorgeous photos. Sometimes people have their own fantasy about our lives based on their perception.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Stephenie. It was a straightforward enough question, but one which I deemed unnecessary. XDelete
You should only share what you are comfortable sharing.ReplyDelete
Thank you. I would probably share more than I actually do, but not when it involves others, especially children. XxDelete
Have you noticed how it is usually "anonymous" who makes the most impertinent of comments? Anonymity gives them a shield to hide behind, I think. If you have something to say, why not put your name to it and own it? (Unless Blogger is being difficult and not showing the names).ReplyDelete
I suppose, in a way, it is natural to be curious about the people whose blogs we read. We like to think that we "know" them from what they choose to share. Even so, I agree with you that there are more sensitive ways to ask if one is really concerned or even just curious. I think, too, that there are some people who like to stir things up a bit because that's what they enjoy doing. I've learned to mark their comments as spam and delete them.
At one time, I didn't publish any anonymous comments. Maybe that's an option for you?
Thank you for your response, Bless. It would seem that the comment itself was an error of judgement rather than of any ill intent. I can understand being curious, it is human nature after all, but I thought it a rather bold and unnecessary question to have been asked. XDelete
What you write, what you share, is your business and I have come to the conclusion that "Less is More". You are not being sensitive at all. Even though I don't have children I tend to think the less written/shared about them the better.ReplyDelete
When I blogged I ignored anything from 'anonymous' unless I knew who the writer was and that they were having log in problems. The internet has provided some wonderful things but it is not a perfect place and the fact that people can hide who they really are means that things are written which they would never consider saying to your face.
You are not over-thinking, you are not being silly. Ignore the question and carry on as you are. If the person who wrote does not like that there are millions of other pages online they can read instead.
Thank you, Jayne. It has been reassuring to read that everyone seems to be echoing my own concerns here. It would be quite a challenge to write what I do without mentioning Lily from time to time, but I do try to be careful regarding just how much information I actually share.Delete
I also think the fact that the comment had been made anonymously instantly had me on the defensive. Xx
I would say you get it just right. So sad that people have to be so insensitive especially as they can’t be bothered to say who they are either. Have a lovely day :) B xReplyDelete
Thank you, Barbara. XxDelete
My feeling is that it is your blog and you can post (or not post) whatever you want really. I apply the same principle to my own meanderings too.ReplyDelete
I gather it was an innocent enough query though, thankfully.
Take care, stay warm and I hope you are continuing to feel better. Much love. xx
Thank you, Joy. Yes, it turned out to be an innocent, albeit insensitive, question in the end. XxDelete
Can I just add that my comment on your previous post appeared as anonymous and I hadn't realised I wasn't logged into my Google account for some reason. I've now read that the comment which bothered you wasn't meant in a nasty way, thank goodness for that xxReplyDelete
Thank you, Eileen. I actually don't mind anonymous comments, especially as we all know how Blogger can make things 'challenging' for us from time to time :) On this occasion, it was the bluntness of the question being from an anonymous account which immediately had me on the defensive. XxDelete
I just want to tell you how much I like your recipes, the walks you take and the magnificent scenery. It’s years since I visited the Lakes District and your blog brings William Wordsworth alive to me.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Sue. I feel very fortunate to live here. XxDelete
I don't think you are oversharing and you are also not too sensitive. Your blog is yours and yours alone. You decide what you post.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Christina. I really don't mind sharing my own life on here, but I try exercise caution if I mention anybody else. XxDelete
I think the comment was insensitive and more than a little rude, why would she ask such a question it's really none of her business. We are all different and I have noticed some bloggers tend use their blogs as a kind of diary and talk about their private lives in great detail, along with lots of photos of their family, I personally don't feel comfortable about doing that, I do mention my family vaguely now and then and if there are photos I always ask them if they are comfortable with me posting them. I think you have the balance just right and I'm pleased to see that the lady in question has apologised. xxReplyDelete
That was my issue really, Linda. The answer was of no consequence to what I share on here, and so I felt it was an unnecessary question to have asked. I really appreciated that they took the time to apologise. XxDelete
Jules - my view on this, for what it's worth is that we all tellwhat we want to tell and you are quite at liberty to only s ay what you wish to say. I love the way you write, ilove to hear about your walks with your daughter. It seems as though the comment was an innocent one - this nuisance of us all sometimes appearing as Anonymous isannoying. WeaverReplyDelete
Thank you, Pat. I suspect the question was out of genuine curiosty and posed in haste. XxDelete
I thought it was very nice of the person who made the comment to apologize.ReplyDelete
I don't know much about computers, but, this is my attempt to be helpful to anyone who doesn't know how to get their names to show when they are posting: when you click on the "Post a Comment" box, it'll show how you are commenting as. If you are signed into your Google account as your account name will show. There is also an option to comment as Anonymous, even if you are signed into your account, but, you have to click on that option. Even if you can only post anonymously, you can always write your name at the end of the comment, as I will here. Hope this helps. Bless.
It really was, Bless, and I truly appreciated their apology.Delete
Thank you for this. Xx
My view is that it is your blog and you can post whatever you want!ReplyDelete
However, reading through the comments it seems it was an innocent query.
Enjoy your February days.
All the best Jan
Thank you, Jan. Yes, although a little insensitive, it would seem the question was completely innocent. XxDelete
I think I would have felt the same as you Jules, I can see from the comments here that it was not malicious, just an ill judged innocent mistake. You must be so relieved. I hear you on what you share, my real name is rather unusual so I have always used a pseudonym online as I don't feel comfortable sharing it. The names of my children on my blog are not their real names either. We share what we want to as bloggers, and we have to be respectful of that as a reader. I love reading the snippets of life you share Jules, thank you xReplyDelete
Thank you for your kind words, and for sharing your thoughts on this. I suppose I was just taken aback at such a direct and rather personal question. XDelete
I agree with your concerns...your reply was polite, but firm. Curiosity aside, it is up to you as the writer to share or not share what you decide is best - and not to be questioned about it.ReplyDelete
I have my comment moderation turned back on after feeling "secure" and turning it off a couple of months ago. This week I deleted a comment that just felt "off", and then another one I didn't allow to publish. There was nothing wrong with it, except that the reader must have recognized something in the background and noted my hometown in her comment. While readers will see the kids' faces, they won't read their names...yes, they're college-age, but still, I feel the need to keep some things private.
I'm hoping you'll continue to blog...I enjoy stopping by to see the lovely photos of the countryside and the places you visit - still hoping for my dreams to come true one day! Enjoy the weekend, Mary
Thank you for this Mary, as it was never my wish to come across as rude, but merely to reaffirm my boundaries :) Ever since I started writing this blog, I have always used moderation, but really this has just been so that I wouldn't unknowingly miss a lovely comment. XxDelete
This post really made me pause for thought, Jules! Most of the time I'm very cautious about what I share online - I don't post photos of myself or my family on any of the usual social media platforms, and personal (identifying) information is kept to the absolute minimum. In 'real life', despite being published for all the world to see, my blog is actually a rather well-kept secret - only my husband is aware it even exists, and (as far as I know) he doesn't ever read it! I started blogging mostly as a way of keeping track of my creative endeavours/holding myself accountable, and I never really expected anyone else to be interested in what I was up to. So when people started leaving comments occasionally, it was a bit like getting replies to a message I'd put in a bottle and sent out to sea - completely random and anonymous, yet deeply personal too. Thankfully the responses (to date) have all been supportive/kind!ReplyDelete
My feeling is that since you only ever share what is 'yours' to share in your blog, and take great care to respect/protect the privacy of your nearest and dearest, you are under no obligation to respond to comments or questions which overstep those boundaries, however inadvertently. For what it's worth, I don't think you have shared too much, or been over-sensitive. Your blog, your rules!
Thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time to write your thoughts on this, and it is reassuring to know that I wasn't alone in my initial unease at such a personal comment.Delete
It is always sensible to exercise caution in the information we choose to share online, especially, like you say, when it often involves our nearest and dearest. X
Hello ! I don’t write a blog, but I do read lots and thoroughly enjoy them . I don’t think the question was impertinent or rude, it’s just a general question . I think when you put yourself out there, so to speak, people become interested in your life. I’m sure no offence would have been meant, they were just wondering out loud where your daughter was.In this day and age it’s not an uncommon question. Sometimes fashion bloggers wear an outfit and when the readers don’t like it they get offended . Perhaps this is similar in that your life is online, but you are annoyed with a question about it? I don’t know , I don’t want to be rude I just saw it from the point of view as an occasional visitor here , as that’s what I am! I enjoy your blog, you live in a lovely part of the world! I hope my thoughts don’t cause offence . BeverleyReplyDelete
Thank you for taking the time to comment, Beverley. And I don't think you are being rude at all, I welcome your point of view.Delete
I think you are right in that the question wasn't intended to be impertinent, but I suppose the blunt manner in which it had been posed, together with it coming from an anonymous account, immediately had me on the defensive.
And I agree, while I do put myself 'out there', albeit cautiously, I try to be very guarded with the information I choose to disclose, especially where my children are concerned. Xx
Yes it’s difficult isn’t it to know the best thing to do!! I think you strike a good balance . BevDelete
I try :)Delete
Hi Jules, Good to catch up with your blog again. I'm taking a break from Instagram, who knows I may start blogging again. It's certainly slower and more connection. I'm sorry that you hurt your back and caught Covid. I totally get what you mean, social media including the latest news articles show how 'consuming' the public are for information now a days. Shocking but true, and yes bluntness is never going to get a reply. I think my blog is set for moderation, I don't tend to allow anonymous as it's just weird. Take care xReplyDelete
It is lovely to see you here, Cathy. I do hope you will start blogging again.Delete
After feeling a little flat for a while, I'm feeling much better now, thank you. X
Hi Jules. No, I do not think you have ever overshared too much information about yourself or you family. I'm also very careful as to what I share. I do think the comment from anonymous was a bit too much, nosy you might say, and really not any of their business. I hope you have a great upcoming weekend!ReplyDelete
Thank you for sharing your point of view, Julia. I must say I have been reassured to find it wasn't just myself who felt this way as I did wonder if I hadn't just been too sensitive, but I think it had more to do with the manner in the question had been asked. XDelete
I've pondered on this post for a while, Jules. I've loved reading the comments and your thoughtful replies.ReplyDelete
I do think that if you're going to put yourself "out there" and post frequently then you become a part of people's lives and understandably they are curious to know the woman behind the online persona.
As I don't have a sensitive job (or, some might say, not much sense either) I've had no qualms about sharing any aspect of my life during my 15 years of blogging - people have tracked me down at fairs and festivals, sent surprises through the post and there's even a chap who recognised our house, turned up at the door with a gift for Jon and now regularly pops round for coffee.
I do think comments posted anonymously can often take on a different tone, no matter how well intentioned but I've noticed that when I use my phone to comment they are published as "Anonymous" despite being signed into Google so I hope I haven't inadvertently scared anyone! xxx
Thank you, Vix, I appreciate your comment. And I completely agree, it is only natural to be curious, I just thought the question had been asked rather bluntly, albeit unintentionally.Delete
I try to share as much as I can, but it can be hard to get the balance just right, especially when I need to protect the privacy of others. Xx
It's so difficult to know what to share on blogs. I do think I share too much sometimes, that's probably because I just assume no one really reads my posts! Possibly the person was just being curious and didnt mean to be so abrupt, but it's always best to be cautious.ReplyDelete
I'm sure you're right, Shazza. And personally, I probably wouldn't feel the need to be quite as guarded, but it is important where Lily is concerned. XDelete
Hi Jules. Just catching up after being away for a few weeks. I do enjoy your blog very much, both in what you write and the pictures you choose to share. I'm sorry to hear about the issue on your last post and hope you are ok. I can't add any more to what others have said and agree that you alone should hold the lock and key to what you put out on your post.ReplyDelete
Thank you, Beverley. And I hope you had a lovely holiday. XxDelete